Dear Princess Celestia,
Never thought I ever would but now I'm writing to you
First time caller, long time listener
But I knew that you were the right character

To discuss problems, help make the panacea
Mostly, I blame dementia
Deliberate abstentia, the mind consumes
The perfect answer to an elaborate ruse

To this whole world of vague status update
From people I barely know, the hounds at the gate
Rarely I reply but I do give a *nod*,
An adelphia born from the white noise fog

From that connection we start a little family,
Bleeps and bloops, randomness and the memes
Listening soon becomes a full-on feat
Falling asleep to the non-sequitur beat

It's all good, but I want a little more,
The piece to feel complete, increase my score.
A quarter life crisis but the affliction seasonal
Ever increasing; far too many conditionals

Like maybe I should give a crap about my job
Pitchfork says to Torch, "Come join the mob!"
When I'm confronted why I can't change my ways
The only thing I can think is to s-stutter and say:

CHORUS
"I am a Closet Brony
Come dance with me and you will learn to see
You will find what it means to dream
The life you want to lead on a little glowing screen."

First World Problems accumulate into Five,
So party at my house when the Apocalypse arrives
And he better bring the punch that he promised
I've got the Party Cannon rented, ready to launch!

And sure enough, he invited the girls
Wait, what? Crap, I'm never ready, mind unfurls,
He's only trying to help I must admit
Introverion inverts into a mobius strip

Not yet heard but they smell the nerd
Absurd, but you know it when they see the witty word
Written on my shirt, hawaiian attached.
The comfortable, fashionable Rainbow Crash!

I could mope, loathe and rage
But I've learned since there are too many better ways
If you're going to mock me, it might as well be on stage!
Where I stand before an audience and s-say:

CHORUS
"I am a Closet Brony
Come dance with me and you will learn to see
You will find what it means to dream
The life you want to lead on a little glowing screen."

"I am a Closet Brony
Come sing with me and we will soon see.
What sort of thing could this turn out to be
When I put a melody to a blundering scene

BRIDGE

Gotta Find the lesson in this mess
Gotta Find a reason so I can rest
Gotta Hit the books, pass every test
Gotta Make everyone love me like Smarty Pants

Learn to be kind and learn to be fast
Learn to loosen up and have a blast
Learn to find the harmony in nature
Learn to be at least 20 percent cooler

Strive to be honest, strive to be free,
Strive to be the only one I know I can be,
Strive to know yourself, and know your friends
Strive to be the one that they can depend

Know when to give and when to give more
Know only you can reflect the dischord
Know when you're being crazy with your crazy thoughts
Know that the magic will never, ever stop!

I stand here staring at the mic in my hand,
Occasionally I'll sing but I don't understand.
Quite entirely the power funneling
But I have the will to be the one controlling

So what if I'm a little bit awkward?
I'll improve myself with every step forward!
Time to make the leap like Daring-Do.
My weapon the mic will ignite the room!

So Princess Celestia,
I'm not really sure what I learned this episode
But I'll keep being myself, I'll be alright
Problems will rise and fall but I'll still be a-flight

I've got friends who'll help fight my enemies!
Cheesily we agree we can take on anything!
Raise the volume, let's start another day!
Give a pause, a deep breath *gasp* and exclaim:

"I am a Closet Brony
Come dance with me and you will finally see
What it means to be what you want to be
Live the life you want to lead beyond the glowing screen."

"I am a Closet Brony
Come sing with me and we will soon see.
What sort of thing can I make this to be
When I put a melody to the world before me.